when your mind races at night, take it all in. have a mad-hatter moment. let your thoughts buzz and create a stinging honeycomb of thoughts. lick them, ingest, swallow them whole. then, when you’re so full and all the honey rushes to your head- you’ll be able to fall asleep a queen bee. dreams dripping with sweet, quiet and all things nice.
love keeps me up at night. sweet dreams. x.
Eleven o’clock had come and gone. I had to find a way to bring this conversation to a successful conclusion and get out of there. But before I could say anything, she suddenly asked me to hold her.
‘Why?’ I asked, caught off guard.
‘To charge my batteries,’ she said.
‘Charge your batteries?’
‘My body has run out of electricity. I haven’t been able to sleep for days now. The minute I get to sleep I wake up, and then I can’t get back to sleep. I can’t think. When I get like that, somebody has to charge my batteries. Otherwise, I can’t go on living. It’s true.’
I peered into her eyes, wondering if she was still drunk, but they were once again her usual cool, intelligent eyes. She was far from drunk.
-haruki murakami, the wind-up bird chronicle
Did you ever, in that wonderland wilderness of adolesence, quite unexpectedly, see something, a dusk sky, a wild bird, a landscape, so exquisite terror touched you at the bone? And you are afraid, terribly afraid the smallest movement, a leaf, say, turning in the wind, will shatter all? That is, I think, the way love is, or should be: one lives in beautiful terror. -t.capote
the wind was howling at my bedroom windows this morning. trying to tell me something, but it couldn’t translate the words. like talking underwater. muffled. it had a threatening and violent presence- like choking on water, drowning words. it kept me awake. awake with an awful awareness. not half awake but awake and still feeling in a dream. sleep can’t save you from the feeling, you can’t sleep and wake anew. so I listened to it knock and strained my ears to hear what it was telling me. x. – k
“He was now in that state if fire that she loved. She wanted to be burnt.”
(Delta Venus- I’m in the middle of an Anais Nin obsession. Exciting, consuming, honest.)
alan emailed me this photo earlier today. it made me so happy i had to post it. happy spring! x.