if you surrender to the wind, you can ride it

Did you ever, in that wonderland wilderness of adolesence, quite unexpectedly, see something, a dusk sky, a wild bird, a landscape, so exquisite terror touched you at the bone? And you are afraid, terribly afraid the smallest movement, a leaf, say, turning in the wind, will shatter all? That is, I think, the way love is, or should be: one lives in beautiful terror. -t.capote

the wind was howling at my bedroom windows this morning. trying to tell me something, but it couldn’t translate the words. like talking underwater. muffled. it had a threatening and violent presence- like choking on water, drowning words. it kept me awake. awake with an awful awareness. not half awake but awake and still feeling in a dream. sleep can’t save you from the feeling, you can’t sleep and wake anew. so I listened to it knock and strained my ears to hear what it was telling me. x. – k

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